Saturday, July 31, 2010

The Story of Rylie the Infant Princess... by Devon, et al

So most of you may already know that Rylie was born via a Cesarean Section on July 21st, 2010 at 5:29pm... What you may not know, is the story behind the magic... but never fear dear readers, I'm here to tell you about it (in the form of a "classic fantasy medieval tale")... I'll try to keep it short, yet awesome!

After rereading the following story, I realize that it is absurd beyond belief and less awesome than originally intended... but still a little awesome. Anyway, I am presenting it in all its absurd glory, or lack thereof, for your reading displeasure. Please withhold all judgement.
Our hero, Devon the Brave, and his young bride, Christie the Fair, were embarking on a journey to find the infant Princess, Rylie the Infant Princess (I know, its a little redundant, but I'm not making this up or I would just change it). This was the morn of Wednesday, the eventual day that Rylie the Infant Princess arrived (or was born)... it was EARLY in the morning... so early that the meadowlarks had'th not yet begun to sing their merry tune. It was off to the land of Baylor of Grapevine. When we arrived we gathered into The Secret Chamber of Birthing to await the Infant Princess.
It was an inviting chamber with many nice maidens to provide assistance during the wait. Christie the Fair laid down on the sacred Resting Table and was given a magical serum, hoping to entice the Infant Princess to arrive sooner, as every minute without her pains Christie the Fair and makes her more and more uncomfortable. Luckily, this is a Magic Secret Chamber of Birthing (as opposed to just a Secret Chamber of Birthing) and the maidens were fantastic by helping out while we waited (labored if you will). We waited, and labored, and waited, and labored some more. Devon the Brave was able to live up to his name by keeping Christie calm (as much as possible) through the waiting. Devon also had a special surprise in his armor (yes, armor... I almost went with "chain mail" but... armor is better, I think). This surprise is called the Epidural of Calming which he acquired from aptly named Land of Wonderful Things To Use In A Secret Chamber. Unfortunately this came in the form of a Magical Syringe which could only be used in Christie's back.
After the Epidural of Calming was administered, the waiting didn't seem as painful. What happened next is hard to explain... the nice maidens had some kind of sacred link between themselves and the Infant Princess which allowed them to "monitor" her as she approached the Secret Chamber of Birthing. This turned out to be very helpful. As Rylie proceeded, a small threshold slowly opened in front of her drawing her near, but the entry was not yet big enough to allow her disproportionate head to pass...  But that did not stop the determined Infant Princess. Soon Rylie began to slow in her journey and the Royal Heart Rate began to fall. The maidens quickly came in and positioned Christie to make her more inviting to Rylie (we didn't want her to change her mind, of course). Thusly, the Infant Princess raised her Heart Rate staying true to her goal, but proceeded sluggishly.
NOTE: The Ancient Ritual states that an Infant Princess must proceed to the Secret Chamber of Birthing via the Mystical Canal of Cervixia... in case you were wondering.
Because of Rylie's infinite persistence and the slow progression of the opening to the Mystical Canal of Cervixia the Ancient Ritual had to be overturned. The Ancient Ritual provides a single loophole by stating that only one person can break the previously mentioned statement regarding the passing through the Mystical Canal of Cervixia, a Spiritual Gypsy of Delivery. Thank goodness we had been visiting with Naomi the Great (a Spiritual Gypsy of Delivery) for the past several years and more frequently for the past 9 1/2 months.
By the power of Naomi the Great, the Ritual was broken and Christie the Fair and Devon the Brave were present as Naomi assisted Rylie the Infant Princess through a Secret "section" of the Canal of Cervixia (a shortcut to the Secret Chamber of Birthing) built by Francis B. Cesar himself... called the Cesarean Section.
Because of Rylie's impatience, she received a complimentary egg shape added to the top of her head, but only temporarily. With nothing more than some nerves and a short-lived intense concern for Rylie as she journeyed into our lives, Devon the Brave and Christie the Fair welcomed their new Infant Princess with open arms and everyone lived happily ever after.
The End 
I hope you enjoyed the story of Rylie the Infant Princess and how she came to be with Devon the Brave and Christie the Fair... If you didn't then this blog probably isn't for you... because I'm a little weird (but in a good way)...

Obligatory picture of the Infant Princess (this also happens to be my "Lock Screen" on my iPhone):



  1. I was beginning to think the blog had been abandoned!

  2. i love the story. i realize that probably makes me a nerd, but it's so funny...and so devon! thanks for the laugh!

  3. precious!!!!